Red Staining White
by Maximum Chaos-Chan
Summary: I go back to December all the time. NejiTenten/ I thought I had more time, more time to tell you I loved you...Now all I can see is red staining white. His blood spilling out over the snow.


**A/N: Neji-Tenten**

**I never think of this pairing as having a relationship like any of the other Naruto pairings. I always view each of them as hiding or ignoring their feelings for each other.**

**Or just being plain oblivious, which is why when I write one-shots for them it's always more melancholy or sadder tone to their love than compared to say NaruHina.**

**Gets pretty angsty, but I liked experimenting with it.**

**Tell me what you think? (The italics are lyrics to Taylor Swift's song Back To December, not really a fan but they sparked my idea for this one-shot)**

**Disclaim- I do not own Naruto or the song.  
**

* * *

_And I think about summer, all the beautiful times_

"What?" Naruto shot up from his seat and gaped at Hinata. She continued to smile up at him and blush. His eyes widened even more when he realized she wasn't kidding; Hina was being completely serious. "Ohmygosh Hina-chan! I-just-nowords!" He abruptly sat down and plunged towards her seat, sweeping his arms around her small frame and pulling her into his embrace. You'd think he would crush her but he was careful; completely gentle as the full weight of her news hit him.

Everyone laughed and Sakura gave a beaming smile. Sasuke muttered "Dobe" at Naruto's reaction, but even he smirked at the blonde's excitement.

I turned to Neji and even he was smiling. He had long gotten over his resentment towards Naruto for dating Hinata. He had grown to trust him and they had even become great friends, figures. Neji is so unskilled at connecting with people, but Naruto is a genius at it.

I looked back at Hinata and Naruto, they were the perfect couple. They were just meant for each other, a perfect pair, a match made in heaven. All of that sappy romance novel stuff. "Congratulations guys!" I said, and it really was sincere. There was no other people in the world I was happier for than my best friend and her boyfriend. There was no one I'd rather have get such good news as being pregnant.

Except perhaps myself, with Neji...But pregnancy means sex, which you need to have with the other person. And usually the person you have sex with, that you have _babies _with, is the person you're in love with and dating.

Neji didn't even bat an eyelash at the thought of love. It was irrelevant, nonexistent—not even a thought in his mind. Especially when it came to me.

I was just his tom-boy best friend he had grown up with. We were put on the same team and that was practically the only reason he put up with me in childhood. That friendship had carried on through adulthood.

"Thanks Tenny." Hinata was still smiling.

I didn't mind that it wasn't me, though. I wasn't ready for kids, even if I wanted them. I was only twenty-three. I'd have time to think about all that later. I had plenty of time to make all that happen. I'd have plenty of time to tell Neji I loved him.

I just enjoyed laughing with my friends and celebrating what would be a pivotal part to their lives. I couldn't wait to spoil the crap out of this lucky kid. He or she would have the best parents in the world—and the best aunt.

* * *

Neji and I sailed through the forest that was all too familiar to us. The moon hung low in the sky and the sound of rustled leaves trailed behind us as we hopped from branch to branch utilizing our speed. We had practiced these jumps and formations, weaving around each other, so much we didn't even have to think as we moved. I darted to the tree above him to his left and then, back to the one on his bottom right. We'd practice this drill when we first began training, trying to gain our foot hold on moving quickly through the area. We were so much older now, but we were still so young, twenty-four and counting, but when your a shinobi you mature faster. When your job is throwing your life on the line, being around death, or dealing it out yourself you have to be emotionally strong.

Out of habit we would come out here, running the perimeter of the city, and pretend things were more innocent than they are now.

Neji's right hand went up in a signal to stop and I noticed it immediately, pulling up on the end of the branch he was perched at.

He lounged against the trunk of the tree and looked up at the so-close-to-being-full moon. His silvery eyes reminded me a lot of that moon. "What are you thinking about, Neji?" I asked as I settled onto the branch, swinging my legs in the air below us.

"How silly it is to be out here." He said.

"Then why are we?" I whispered, praying that he wouldn't say this would be the last time we would rendezvous at the bridge at the edge of town. This wouldn't be the last time we ran through the trees, imagining we were younger and time didn't pass so quickly. I could still pretend I had all the time in the world to tell him I loved him.

He watched me with those shimmering moon eyes, pupil-less, and calculating. Could he see my thoughts? No, he didn't have his byakugan activated, but he was still intelligent enough. Wasn't it readable? They always make it seem that love is obvious and easy to see. Hinata and Naruto look clearly in love. Could he tell I wanted to say it? I wanted to tell him I loved him.

Let's make adorable Hyuga-eyed babies together. I thought of Rin, Naruto and Hinata's little girl. Her long blonde hair and those lavender moons blinking and taking this brand new world in.

"Because it's nice. It's quiet and..."

"And what?" I asked when he stopped speaking.

"And it's just nice to be out here with you like old times." It wasn't a particularly romantic sentence, if romantic at all. But it held a sentiment that only someone who understood Neji could really catch. He was admitting we were good friends. As stoic, annoyed, and snooty he acted; no matter how far the stick up his ass was, he cared about me. He wanted to relive those memories and wouldn't trade them in.

"Aww! Neji you do care." I gushed, poking fun at the lapse in his normally reserved demeanor.  
"Of course I do, Tenten." He said rolling his eyes at me, but he gave me a small smile in return. That, paired with him saying my name, made my heart flutter in my chest in a way that made me scold myself. I could feel the heat radiate on my cheeks so I turned my face away from him and looked back at the forest with a subtle laugh. "What a softie, Neji." I said still glowing from his words.  
"Only around you, Tenny." I bit my lip to keep the horrible smile off my face. But I savored the way his words rang loudly in my ears and echoed. I could see them hanging in the air above us, floating away towards the moon. I burned it into my memory.  


* * *

  
_Realized I loved you in the fall_

"Come on, Neji."  
"I'd rather not."  
"_Neji_, you know I'm not taking no for an answer."  
"_Tenten_, I'd _really_ rather not." He said throuhh gritted teeth, but even when he was annoyed with me I loved to hear my name roll off his tongue. I just gave him my trademark evil grin and tugged him up from his seat next to Shikamaru and Choji, who was devouring his fourth piece of cake.  
"It's not like you don't know how to dance, I _know_ you know how to dance. Hinata had to go through lessons when she had all that etiquette training."  
"That's-"  
"Don't even think of lying to me. I know for a fact Hiashi would never let his nephew out of the Hyuga compound without proper etiquette."  
Neji fixed me with a stoney gaze that he probably thought would make everyone else back off, but not me. I was Tenten, his best friend, and Neji should know I didn't back down.  
"Come on, party-pooper." The joke made Neji cringe but he let me guide him to the middle of the dance floor. "I'll give you a refresher, you put your hand here." I placed his hand at my waist, and mine at his shoulder. "Then hold my other hand, now you lead, unless you want me to make you look like a woman in front of everyone we know." Neji grunted but didn't look around for any of his relatives or friends, he kept his eyes fixed on me. We started to dance.  
"Oh my gosh, it looks like you can dance after all. I'll make you the life of the party just yet." I smiled at him and he responded with the characteristic eye-roll-and-smile combo.  
We didn't say anything after that first song was done, but Neji made no move to stop dancing so we danced through the second one too.  
"I'm so happy for them." Sasuke and Sakura really were a cute couple.  
"I wish them all the best."  
"Do you think Ino really will be the next one to get married? Once she caught the bouquet she looked straight at Shikamaru. Of course he pretended not to notice, but when he caught the garter...Ha, they really would be a good match. Shika needs someone to keep him in line."  
Neji gave a small laugh and shook his head. "I'd pay to see that wedding, it screams disaster."  
"Do you think he'd be late?"  
"What?"  
"Shikamaru, he's always off taking naps, do you think he'd miss his own wedding?" Neji stared at me for a moment and one of his hands left my hip and covered his mouth.  
"What?" Neji closed his eyes and started shaking a bit. "Neji, what's wrong?" I asked instantly worried. "Are you like, choking or something?"  
Neji took his hand away to tell me no, but instead broke out into laughter. I stood shocked, in the middle of the dance floor because this rarely ever happened. Neji did not break out into bursts of laughter. He just didn't, it was always reigned in. Small smiles, smirks, a chuckle, but never a full on bought of laughter.  
I glanced around us to make sure someone else was seeing this monumental display, this wasn't just me having a hallucination here. I met Hinata's eyes a few feet away, slow dancing with Naruto who looked just as shocked as I was at Neji's behavior. But Hinata's eyes were on me, her eyebrows raised and I could read her expression instantly. She didn't care about the laughing, she wanted to know what the dancing-with-her-cousin-who-I-was-in-love-with was all about. I rolled my eyes at her and turned back to Neji. Who by then had regained most of his composure and pulled me towards him again.  
"Are you alright? Did you have too much to drink? I told Sakura not to get an open bar you know." I asked.  
"I'm sorry, but how could someone miss their own wedding? All I can picture is Shikamaru napping in a corner somewhere and Ino storming around like Godzilla."  
I paused and saw Ino snorting fire. I giggled too. "Definitely a perfect match." I said.  
"Oh, definitely." He nodded. The fourth song came, just then, as a slow ballad and Neji adjusted the position of his other hand at my waist and pulled me a little closer in. I pretended it wasn't a big deal and wrapped my arms around to the nape of his neck. I looked anywhere but at Neji or in Hinata's direction because I knew she'd be giving me insinuating glances the entire song.  
"You know, I never got a chance to tell you, but you look beautiful tonight." I felt my heart pound, but my head reminded me that Neji would say this too any girl he was friends with. He said it to Sakura and Hinata earlier.  
"Thank you." I answered quietly. The silence settled over us again, but it was a good quiet. Not the awkward kind people suffer through trying to come up with things to say to fill up the time. It was a thoughtful, thinking kind of silence. Maybe that's what led me to do it but the lull of our slow box steps and the hushed music made me lean my head against Neji's chest. He didn't even hesitate in adjusting his hands to the small of my back, and for a minute I got to pretend we were the ones the wedding was for.  
We had just said our vows, gotten married, fed each other bites of cake, and had everyone clink their glasses to make us kiss a hundred times. I pretended this was our first slow dance and everyone was watching, envying me in my beautiful wedding gown, being caressed by my perfect husband. He had just whispered in my ear that he loved me more than anything in the world and I had whispered back, "I love you, more."

* * *

_And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind_

"You should have brought warmer clothing."

"I'm fine." I said, clenching my jaw so my teeth wouldn't chatter.

"No you are not. You're shivering."

"Neji, just _shut up_, okay?" Stupid Kumogakure. So what if I had forgotten it snows in this country? We had just reached the forest at the base of the mountain and at first I had thought the snow was beautiful. Everything was blanketed in white and snowflakes were melting on my outstretched palms. They caught in Neji's hair and specked it with white.

Which made me imagine him as an old man with long white hair. I had a good laugh about that for a while. Then the cold started to sink into my clothes and chilled me to the core.

All we had to do was a simple mission, deliver a set of scrolls to The Village Hidden In The Clouds. Easy, right? I loved the thought. A beautiful snow in December, much better than being sent on long missions trucking through Suna deserts and dying from the heat.

"Don't snap at me because you were negligent." He said in that annoying matter-of-fact tone of his.

Maybe that's why I broke character. I got comfortable and reckless, I really was negligent but not in the planning for cold weather sense. I got caught up in the new scenery and bickering with Neji, I didn't even see it coming.

Neji realized a few seconds sooner than I did, as three shinobi leaped out of the trees and hurled themselves toward us. Neji swiftly struck the first one to reach him in the stomach, but just as I ran forward to help him I got yanked backward.

I let out a small yelp because I again had been careless enough not to check for other attackers and had left my back wide open. The shinobi behind me was bigger than me and the three others, which was probably why he was assigned to take me out. Of course the careless girl is the smallest threat and his size and strength on me could take me out easily.

The other three were leaner, more like Neji. They would need their speed against him rather than brute strength.

I registered immediately that all four of them were cloaked entirely in black uniforms, complete with masks as well. I didn't see any shinobi nation symbols on them or ninja headbands. I didn't see any outstanding marking on their outfits to let me know what organization they were from.

The only thing I could assume was that they were enemies and I needed to take them out quickly to save both of our lives.

I scrambled for my balance but my foe didn't give me any opening. Instead he landed a swift kick to my stomach that sent me hurling backward. I couldn't hold back the grunt I made when I landed. My head knocked against the frozen ground and I started to see stars for a moment before I shook it off and started to sit up.

Of course my attacker was right on top of me, yanking me up by my hair and causing me to cry out. I really needed to shut up, all this noise was going to distract Neji.

"Stupid little bitch." The larger one snarled as he dragged me around and to my knees. I struggled but he wasn't that much slower than his comrades. He slammed my head forward into the ground and my forehead smacked into the snow again, causing a ring of pain to vibrate through me.

He smashed my face into the hard ground three more times, and by the second I heard the snap of my nose breaking and I could certainly feel it.

I heard Neji shout my name.

I wrapped my hands around the one he was using to hold his head down but he grabbed both of my arms and twisted them painfully behind my back. I lifted my head as Neji shouted again. He turned towards me and started to move, thinking his attackers were subdued.

There was one more striding towards him from behind. Completely silent, and I had a feeling he was a shadow clone.

"Ne-ji!" I croaked but blood was trickling down my throat and I was forced to swallow some.

He started to turn but the clone was on top of him. A dagger held before him as he drove it into Neji's stomach. He made a choking sound as the blade was twisted around inside his flesh and I let out a garbled scream.

Neji's arms flew up to attack back, trying to save himself, but the other three guys on the ground were now stirring and rushed to hold him. The clone ripped the dagger out and stabbed him again, and again, and again.

I screamed again but I didn't even hear myself. All I could hear was the sound of ripping flesh and the blood splashing onto the snow ever time the blade was yanked out.

Red staining white.

Part of me was in shock. I had always had this image of Neji as a god. He was invincible, and here he was being torn apart.

I desperately started to struggle and fight against the man holding me but as soon as he dropped my arms, I felt a blow hit the back of my head so hard I landed forward in the bloody snow and blacked out.

* * *

I woke up, blinking slowly, my head and face screaming from pain. The entirety of my body was so numb from the cold it hurt. I started to lift myself up, but fell again. After a few tries I successfully rose to my knees.

There was nothing around me.

An endless expanse of white, except for the stains of red around me and the pool of blood ten feet away.

I was alone.

* * *

_I go back to December all the time._

Even after I had recovered and gotten back to the village, even after countless search parties went out and numerous investigations were carried through about this masked group.

Nothing.

Not even a clue.

People gave me sad looks and tried to comfort me. Hinata and I sat alone and bawled some days, but mostly I felt looks burning into me. Disappointment.

It was my fault.

You should never, ever let your guard down.

I was a complete disgrace.

* * *

I felt haunted. Maybe it wasn't by Neji's ghost, but it was by the complete guilt that his death was my fault. I couldn't handle it anymore. It was getting in the way of everything I did.

I was too afraid to take serious missions because I didn't want to risk other peoples lives. I was too afraid to take easy mission because I was afraid I would be caught off guard again.

Sometimes I was completely on edge and every small thing triggered me. Other times I was completely lost inside myself and all I could think about was red staining white.

Red staining white.

Red

staining

white.

I'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night because my nightmares were all about Neji being stabbed over and over again.

Not just the memory replaying, but worse.

In my nightmares I was the one stabbing him. Shadow clones of me held him down as I drug the dagger into his flesh and ripped it out. I lathered the blood on my hands and smiled down at his dead body, until finally, terror woke me up.

I spoke to Tsunadae and told her I needed to withdraw from active duty. She tried to talk to me, pry my problems out. She said I needed to stop shutting myself up in my apartment. I responded by shutting her office door behind me.

I walked home, briskly with my head down, trying to ignore everyone and blend into the background. Even when no one was looking I felt like they were. All eyes were on me, whispering that I was the reason the Hyuga prodigy was dead.

I passed by Ichiraku and heard a voice call out to me. My head snapped up and there was Hinata, Naruto, Sakura, and Ino. Hinata's face was creased with worry and I could see everyone trying to force a smile as they invited me to join them.

"I'm busy sorry." I mumbled trying to walk past them.

"Tenten, please join us. You always say your busy...I miss you." Hina said sadly and I stopped and stared at her.

"You guys don't have to pretend. It's fine, I get it." I said not realizing how harsh my voice sounded.

"What are you talking about?" Sakura asked.

"You don't have to pretend you want me around. It's fine." I said.

"I don't know what your talking about." Hinata said forcing herself to keep the calm, poise.

"Tenten, just eat with us, it's not a big deal." Ino said shrugging.

"Shut up, just shut up!" I snapped at her and her mouth fell open a little before shutting quickly.

"Tenten, calm down." Naruto frowned a little.

"Don't tell me to calm down! All I want is for you to leave me the fuck _alone_, can't you take a hint?" My voice started to rise and I ignored the fact that I was doing the opposite of blending in.

"Tenten..." Hinata looked hurt. "We just wanted..."

"Stop." My voice turned icy and hard. "Don't act all upset and play wounded. Trust me I'm not the only one here that wishes it would have been me instead of Neji, quit acting like you're my friend."

Everyone's faces gave way to shock and Hinata looked absolutely horrified. "Tenten! I would never wish that! What happened was not your fault!"

"Then whose was it?" I asked before storming off.

* * *

I sprinted from tree to tree, trying to focus on keeping my footing but my thoughts kept drifting and I hit a branch that was too thin and cracked. It snapped under my weight and I let myself plummet to the hard ground, feeling sticks scratch and claw my skin on the way down.

I landed with a thud and just laid there for a few minutes with my eyes closed.

I couldn't do anything anymore. I couldn't focus, I couldn't even do basic maneuvers I had practiced for _years_.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the treetops, peeking threw them was part of the almost-full moon. I thought of Neji's eyes instantly.

Why not me?

Why had I been so careless.

I heard a rustle some 20 feet away but I ignored it. Probably an animal. Who even cared?

For all I knew it could be the same masked group that attacked us three months ago, coming to finish me off.

Good. I laid there breathing steadily hoping for a minute death would come. I was useless as a shinobi, as a friend, but most of all as a person.

I just couldn't function right anymore.

"Tenten?"

My head snapped up instantly and I jumped to my feet. The muscles in my body tensed and I looked around.

God no, please. Just no, not hallucinations. Tell me this is another dream, another nightmare.

"Tenten, it is you." I watched as a silhouette stepped out of the trees and towards me. My entire body went rigid.

"No, no, no, no." I started shaking my head, with each turn the motion growing more violent.

"Tenten-"

"No, stop, just stop! Please, stop!" I shouted as I balled up my fists and pushed them into my eyes

"Tenny, what?"

My knees buckled and I tipped forward, landing on them with a thud. "No, no, no. Not here. Not like this. Don't haunt me like this. I'm asleep, I have to be asleep. Wake up, wake up, wake up."

"Tenny, stop, what are you doing?" I heard the noise of someone crouching in front of me and I let out a sob.

"No, don't! Don't call me that. Stop torturing me..."

"Look at me." Hands tightened around my wrists and I flinched at the touch. Squeezing my eyes shut as my hands were pulled away. The voice was enough, I couldn't see him.

"It was my fault. I know it was my fault, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish it was me, I...I wish it was me!" I screamed the last words and they echoed around us for a moment before fading into the air.

"What are you talking about?" The hands shook me, trying to get me to look.

Finally, I opened my eyes and saw him. Neji, staring at me with those beautiful silver moons. His hair was dark and dirty, a few leaves stuck to it, but he was still him. Perfect. Every scrape and bruise, every smudge of dirt was nothing. He was still a god in every way. "You're dead. You're dead and it's all my fault. It was all my fault. If I hadn't been so...I should have done something. I shouldn't have been so careless. I thought we had so much time." My voice cracked and I gulped trying to stop crying. My whole body was shaking. I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare. "I thought I had so much time left...to tell you I loved you."

"Tenten...Tenny, oh God." He jerked me forward and I fell into his chest, his arms snaking around me and squeezing me into him. Holding me in one piece even though I was cracked into a million. "I'm not dead. You aren't dreaming, Tenny. I'm right here, I came back. It took me three months to fight my way back to you but I did. I had to make sure you were safe. The whole time I thought they had killed you."

I didn't understand. My brain stalled and I pulled back from the ghost's embrace. My fingers combed through his hair and I stared into his eyes. It seemed so realistic.

I wanted to believe so badly.

"Tenten, I'm not dead. They kept me alive to try and get information about the Leaf Village. But I made it back. You're wide awake."

"I'm...I'm not...I'm not." I gave a minute shake of my head, still frozen. Was this my conscious trying to relieve myself from the pain? Trying to get over it and put myself together again? I didn't want to, I wanted to grieve. I wanted to suffer worse than Neji had, because that's what I deserved.

It was my fault he was dead, I deserved to die too.

"Tenny, you're awake. I'm here, and...I love you...I love you_ more_." I didn't move, and as if to make his point he kissed me.

That's how I knew I was awake, because there is no way I could have dreamed that electric kiss. There was no way my guilt-loaded psyche could have let myself believe I was forgiven.

Not without Neji really being alive.

He was. And there was no way I could let him go a second time.


End file.
